Aquarius 8-9 A Flag Turned Into An Eagle

by Alice

A Flag Turned into An Eagle
Aquarius 8 - 9 (Persephone)
An Old Man Attempting Vainly to Reveal The Mysteries
Taurus 15 - 16 (Hades)

This is my Persephone (A Flag Turned into an Eagle) in the 11th house conjunct Earth 9’ (A Popularity That Proves Ephemeral) and her counter part Hades (An Old Man Attempting Vainly to reveal the Mysteries) in the 3rd House conjunct my North Node (A Dove Over Troubled Waters).
In my natal chart she resides in the house of friends, dreams, step-children and groups. He resides in the 3rd house of local community, siblings, early schooling and communication.

The event that precipitated delving deeper into this aspect of my life, and its reasons goes like this:
I finished work, dropped off to grab some groceries and was walking back to my car, easy enough.
An older long time family friend called out to me.
I said the courteous greetings and how are you?
She followed with the news that the mother of a school friend of mine, who I was still friends with, had died earlier that week and the funeral had been a couple of days prior.
I felt upset and shocked that no-one had told me.
She then relayed that her daughter had gone to the funeral and had expected me to "walk in the church".
I said apologetically, unfortunately "I didn’t know she had passed away".
She then gave me that I’m-now-trying-to-cover-up-the-fact-we-feel-guilty-talking-about-you-and-not-informing-you look, saying "oh yes that’s what I told them".
I had always been the third wheel in the friendship growing up, so this event took me straight back to those emotions, of wanting to be friends with them but never quite fitting in, not even in death.
My Earth (A Popularity That Proves Ephemeral) conjunct Persephone, describes perfectly the raw see-saw relationship, of one moment I was popular then the next moment not so.
Not only was I disappointed, but I was left with the lingering feeling of guilt for not going to the funeral, even though I knew this conundrum of thoughts and emotions didn’t logically add up.
Was I really relieved that I wasn’t told but felt accused that I wasn’t there?
My old childhood 'flag' of school allegiances was being transformed into an ‘eagle' of spirit through the underworld of hidden insecurities by this old man vainly revealing the mysteries of my 'under' life.
Hades was attempting to reveal how my life had not changed emotionally so much from those childhood days.

Interestingly I had thought of my school friends mother earlier in the week, wondering how she was -as it turns out I had this thought on the day of the funeral. Hades and Persephone had emerged then, unbeknown to me.

Following this conversation I drove out of the car space, still consumed with the funeral thoughts and guilt, when 2 unsavoury characters (Hades) walked behind the car and motioned that I had nearly hit them.
I signed "I'm sorry", they leered and walked off.
I then continued to back out, this time more slowly, thinking I needed to "watch what I am doing", then out of the corner of my eye, 2 more comrades walked behind the car, in the blind spot.
They promptly flipped me the bird shocking me again into a feeling of the unwary accused.
Unsettled, still about my friends mother, coupled with now 4 people yelling fault across the car park at me.
The car and me were charged with a barrage of old memories of being blamed for incidences which either I didn’t do or didn’t know about.
Similar to being burned at the stake for being a female with red hair!
Unreasonable and ridiculous but still feeling condemned.
I got home burst into tears, rang my mother (Demeter) and said I hate this godforsaken hell hole I have lived in for 50 years! (The Underworld).
She always finds this offensive because she likes living here, but in her defence she did console me on the emotions I was experiencing.
As with Persephone I whinge 6 months of the year and the other 6 months I live here quite happily.
So my mood went from Persephone swanning around the supermarket in her own bliss to being dragged into Hades's underworld of fears and deeply buried emotional garbage left over from the past school days.
I cried for hours over the pain of childhood friendships which never quite lived up to my ideal expectations.
This I realised to some extent had followed me through life, always trying to see the world through another’s eyes so I could fit in to the groups around me.
Often leaving me feel as though I had lost my sense of self and direction, being left merged with the another’s life while mine had been left unattended.

Hades in the myth gives Persephone 6 seeds (perhaps these are dreams, my 11th house is to move her away from what she knows)to lure her into his underworld.
She has to stay with him for 6 months then she can have 6 months to the world she knows and loves.
For me this symbolises keeping attachment to my inner depths, to tend the seeds of dreams that I have, and not losing myself in others visions (which often proves to be ephemeral)
To then leave me embittered and angry at my classmates, whom I was lying to all along, because I was doing and saying what was not authentic, only repeating what I thought would make me popular in the group. (Earth 9 - 10 Aquarius)
I have met these girls more recently and we get along so much better now that I am more faithful to myself.
This in truth was most probably an oversight during a very stressful time for my friends mothers death.
Even so it still threw me straight back to school.
I needed to acknowledge where I had been and where I am going.
It was a lingering residue of days gone by, that needed tidying up.

The other piece of this puzzle was that on the same night my partner went to visit his daughter, whom had been travelling overseas for 12 months.
He had not seen her for 18 months and had heard from her three times briefly during this period.
Prior to her leaving there had been a family rift, that appears to be opening further each month because of minimal communication.
Again Hades, the Earth opening up and taking my partner and myself into our insecure abyss of unvalued selves.
Interestingly my partners MH is my Hades (An Old Man Attempting to Vainly Reveal the Mysteries), and we are constantly unpopular for asking why his children pay him and I so little attention.
You know the questions you ask..
Have I said something?
Is there something you need to tell me? etc etc.
The answer always
" AHHH nah all's good"… but you get the vibe that all is not good but no one wants to open the can of worms or as Hades is involved "the Earth", in case you can’t escape the dark dank underworld.
His family have lots of secrets and mysteries that need revealing.
The same as my inner insecure self obviously needs attention and acknowledgement by me.

Back to that night: apparently he goes to visit and it’s a 30 min coffee, 2 hours away.
He then waltzes in like "yeah all's good, she is coming to stay for a week to look for accommodation to attend uni later in the year."
Prior to this he was "no she can’t stay here till this shit is sorted",
Sooooo, I’m thinking WTF!
My feelings now of being used, unappreciated and lonely re surface with vengeance.
A very heated discussion and
He goes to bed fuming, and I am left with my despair.
I now ring my friend whilst sitting alone in the darkened Hades likened courtyard of my own home,
who lets me cry and rant like a small unwanted child,
I tell her
I want to be Persephone (just picking the flowers without the cavern), not realising at that point that I am Persephone because I am now in the underworld of my own psyche.
You cannot experience Persephone without Hades.
What I have gained from this experience is yes I have grown but still I need to attend my seeds (dreams) in the underworld, or else I will be left in the caverns of the dead, unable to re-surface and enjoy the laughter and friendships which I have and enjoy.


Does any part of the symbol resonate with you?

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Do any of the astrological bodies (Venus, Jupiter, Chiron etc) fall on this symbol for you? What has it meant in your life?

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