Personal Symbolic Projections!

Francis Valadj @ freeimages.com

After deciding to do my own personal symbolic degrees, I applied them to my partner.  

And what a disgraceful set of symbols the poor guy received!

My immediate thought was that some of the symbols, that resonated strongly, represented my own opinions about aspects of him/things he brings into my life.  And what we judge or are attracted to are the things we repress in ourselves.   The external is a reflection of what is internal that needs to be looked at or expressed.  So these symbols woke me up to what I was projecting onto him!

Poor guy, I do love him so.  He clearly puts up with a lot ;)

So just at first glance, his Saturn is Cancer 18-19 A Priest Performing A Marriage Ceremony, which has always resonated with me because I refuse to marry.  We have children and I imagine no other partner than him, but I just. don't. want. to. marry.  He is fine with this, with no indication that this has ever bothered him.  The associated Bekian is A Gingerbread Man, with my immediate thought of "Ha, ha, you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man"! I actually laughed, because it so describes my attitude to weddings.  I do know that I have had at least two past lives where marriage had been arranged for me: one I ran from, and one I was utterly miserable in.  So 'tick' clearly the Bekian is showing me my own attitude in that planet position.

Next resonating symbol is Scorpio 7-8 A Moon Shining Across A Lake - which I did agree his Mars gave him the energy and drive to preserve harmony.  The Bekian also resonates: A Jealous Audience.  Now envy is one of my issues as a block to success - that success means people will be jealous of you (tall poppy syndrome) and such a belief clearly means I subconsciously resist success, or expect jealousy when I am successful.  When we moved back to his hometown, he loved buying one of the nicest houses in town (total hype by the way, but you only know that if you live in it), and then a very very expensive car.  He would tell the story about buying this car to the rellies at Christmas and I pretty much stressed out over the negative response he got from family - yep, they were jealous.  But of course, nobody wants to seem or admit to jealousy, so there is very much a lack of response and a coldness to the perception that he was showing off or acting "better than".  He would also tell stories of business class when he worked fly-in fly-out in Oman, which didn't go down well in a small town where most people have no desire to leave town.  One person called him a wanker to his face.  It was total cringe at the whole thing.  Unfortunately, we had just come from living fly-in fly-out of a big city with friends in similar circumstances.  He just hadn't adjusted to the change.  I had to sit my partner down and explain to him about how it looked with his stories and sorry babe, gonna hafta tone it down - ya can't come into town and just be a big swinging dick...

Then the poor guy had to have Pisces 8-9 A Jockey, which I can only think might be about how *I* have made him a better man since I've known him lol (and vice versa *sigh*), but the Bekian says Toxic Friends.  Now, this resonates, but both he and I have had toxic friends.  His north node is in House 11 so friends are part of his spiritual progression, and I know personally that I've learned a lot from the toxic friends I had.  Learned a lot, and no longer friends.  

Next big one is Libra 15-16 A Boat Landing Washed Away.  I already wrote about what this meant to me here.  The Bekian is Contempt Showing Its Poison.  This symbol really brought home how much he was copping from my projections.  Contempt is the one thing a relationship cannot survive.  Psychologists can tell within seconds whether a couple are short-term or long-term from whether they hear contempt when a couple talks.  When I wrote the symbol, I was actually intending it to be a revelation of truth, as in, if someone is contemptuous, hopefully you will see it so you can act on it.  I didn't realise how much of a face-punch it would be to get it in the astronarrative.  I'm glad I didn't filter my personal symbolic degrees to only have 'nice' things, as I really value truth, but holy cow it's another thing to be on the receiving end of these monkey-mind ideas!  Anyway, my partner has very rarely shown contempt to me, however I cannot say the same of myself.  When I become enraged, I am very ugly.  I would say that in our time together my journey has been one of finding self-love and personal development, and enhancing respect.  I can clearly see that I have not respected my partner as much as he deserves, and since seeing these projections of mine, I've been working on calming down more, and slowing down what comes out of my mouth.  Pausing before I speak.  Thinking about whether what I say needs to be said.  Thinking about how my words will impact the other person.  

(Incidentally, I'm not repressing myself by pausing, as I'm finding that writing for this site has calmed me down a lot, so I don't need to express myself verbally much anyway.  I can just write out my thoughts and review things, then move on once I've processed what I've learned.  As my friend Pam says, writing is better than thinking for personal development - thoughts organised into a structure, slowed down so that what is really relevant comes out, and you can look over your written thoughts to see yourself in a mirror.  The Bekian is now my mirror 2.0 - and doesn't it show every wrinkle!) 

So anyway, after seeing these disgraceful symbols for my partner I had a really good look at myself and have been really noticing my own projections on people while I converse with them (preaching/lecturing at them - projecting my inner student at them while holding the ego or mask of the knower/teacher) or noticing other's projections onto me (given advice that doesn't feel right because that person has their own idea of me).   Now I can choose whether to receive other people's projections - e.g. don't pick up the phone to a friend who you know might project onto you, don't engage in the projection game.   

Suddenly I am very careful about what I'm projecting!  Because we create the world with what we project.  We create our experiences with what we project.  That 'other' person may 'be' toxic or whatever, but we don't know anything if we don't know ourselves and what we are responsible for projecting.

I believe asking ourselves what we are projecting is a huge step in personal development, because I know I've shifted energy in the two weeks since I had a good look at myself via the Bekian on my partner.

darwin guevarra @ freeimages.com

	Astronavigator

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